The Easter Bunny is an A**hole!

There is a rabbits nest in our yard. I only know this because Gale found it. Gale is our Greyhound (see previous post-The Most Beautiful Girl in the World). She was rooting around in the yard late at night and eating what looked like a squirrels tail. We don't like to let her eat found objects in the yard, or kill any animals. While she is a natural predator to small animals, such as squirrels and rabbits, we try to keep the carnage to a minimum. Granted, this was more of a problem when we first got her 8 years ago. She was fresh off the track and in peak physical condition, so there was more of a sporting aspect to it, it was like shooting fish in a barrel for her. Sorry Mr. Squirrel! Goodbye Mr. Rabbit! Most dogs will chase rabbits and squirrels but the overwhelming majority of them did not do it professionally. (For the record, she had 438 races, she won a little over 10% of them, and finished in the top 3, 70% of the time). So, it wasn't a level playing field to start with. I don't know who was more surprised at how quick she got on top of them me or the squirrels. Probably the squirrels. It didn't take long for the backyard to turn into the killing fields. I was starting to get a little pissed off, how many squirrels and rabbits have to die before they get the message? The rabbits definitely got the memo quicker, after we started reaching double digits in dead critters we saw less rabbits in the yard. She even got a couple of doves (I told you she's quick). In our house all animals are sacred (we relocate spiders, we don't kill them), so we have never endorsed or encouraged this kind of behavior, (can you be horrified and proud?) but there are natural laws and the squirrels need to get their shit together. Now whenever we let her out we always make a lot of noise and leave her with the parting admonition, "Don't kill anything". (Parenting is parenting, let's work together). And, we never leave her unattended in the yard for any length of time.

So now I have to spend half my time in the yard with her, to make sure she doesn't turn this years Easter Bunny into a chew-toy. As much as we love and trust her, jungle law is jungle law and the honor system will not work here. What's the turnaround time on a newborn rabbit any way? I mean completely, from birth, to out of the hole, to living on it's own? Days, weeks, months??!! I need to know now, I've got shit to do. I can't be spending the next few weeks of my life standing guard over a rabbit hole, just because some self absorbed mother rabbit had the irresponsible and ill-conceived idea to give birth in the middle of hells half acre. I feel for the bunny, I do, but isn't that the chance the rabbit was taking? What kind of Darwinian exercise is this anyway? You'd expect this kind of behavior from squirrels, guinea pigs, or gerbils for god's sake. But I thought rabbits were better than that. Have they just given up as a species? Was there a total breakdown in the genetic code somewhere and now they are all coming back as gerbils? Look gerbils are cute, and considering the places gerbils have turned up, I should consider myself lucky they've only ended up in my backyard. Doesn't the smell of blood still hang in the air? Don't the dead souls report back from the afterlife? "Whatever you do avoid the yard on the corner, it's got the biggest fucking cat I've ever seen!"

The rabbit has left the hole! I repeat, the rabbit has left the hole! A great day indeed. I must say I am proud, thanks to our hard work and vigilance, and frankly, no real help from the rabbit community, the last baby has survived. But now it won't leave the yard. Are you kidding me? Look pal we got you this far, you are free to go, leave! Hit the road, hey look, the people two yards down haven't mowed their lawn in weeks, go for it! I was complaining to Denyse about this, and she said, he doesn't want to leave, he was born here, this is his home. And I said, Well, if he doesn't snap out of it, he's going to die here. I've got two words for you buddy, natural selection.